Why
by Amonraphoenix
Summary: Meditation session goes wrong...
1. Chapter 1

**_I own nothing. I'm still working on the last chapter of my first story "Sometimes its to late to say I'm Sorry" but this story wouldn't leave me alone, so I had to get this published... Please review :)_**

**_This is an updated version, a friend noticed a few mistakes that needed correcting...  
><em>**

* * *

><p><em>Leo has been in the dojo mediating for several hours. I wonder if he wants dinner? <em>Mikey thought as he put the finishing touches on the meal.

Mikey walked towards the dojo, when he looked in he could see his oldest brother still sitting in the lotus position mediating.

"Hey Leo you want dinner?" Mikey shouted from the door way but got no response from his older brother.

Walking towards him, Mikey knelt down in front of Leo and tried again.

"Hey bro, snap out of it. Do you want to eat or not?" Mikey asked but still Leo didn't move.

Mikey got a mischievous idea in his head. Reaching up to his brothers head he quickly rapped his knuckles on Leo's skull…

"Hello? Any one home? Earth to Leo!" Mikey called while trying to suppress his laughter at the same time but even this little joke got no reaction from the sword wielding turtle.

Getting annoyed Mikey reached out and grasped Leo's right shoulder and gently shook his brother hard.

"Leo... come on, answer me!" Mikey pleaded as he shook his blue clad brother harder by the shoulder but to no avail.

Then Mikey realized Leo felt much colder than he should be. When Mikey look closer he couldn't tell if Leo was actually breathing or not. Concern flooded the orange clad turtle and he lightly laid one of his hands on Leo's plastron. Hoping to feel the reassuring gentle rise and fall of his brothers breaths. But his hand never felt the slightest movement from Leo.

"Don't you dare!" Mikey snarled fearfully. "Don't you dare do this to me, Leo!"

A tight knot filled with dread formed in Mikey's stomach as he picked up one of his brothers limp arms and searched the wrist for a pulse but his finger tips felt no reassuring thud underneath them.

"No! He can't be dead," cried Mikey defiantly. _There was no way his brother could be dead, he refused to believe it._ Even though a few tears crept to the corners of his sapphire eyes, despite his confidante thought.

Terror gripped Mikey's heart as he reached up and grasped Leo's throat. Splaying his fingers over it as he searched desperately for a pulse, the ripple of breath, anything at all to prove to him that he was wrong and his brother wasn't dead. But his finger tips never felt the gentle beating of a heart or the faint ripple of a breath. Everything was silent and still, his brother was gone.

"**NO!**" Mikey screamed in anguish at the top of his lungs. Falling backwards on his shell as raw grief consumed his heart and spirit.

Mikey's mind was reeling, he couldn't believe his big brother was dead. After everything they been through over the years. When they came so close to losing him in times past but didn't… How could he just up and die out of the blue?

Raph and Donnie came running into the dojo weapons drawn, when they heard the heart rendering cry full of grief and heartache. What Raph and Donnie saw as they went through the dojo doorway made their blood run cold and their hearts stop beating. Mikey was crying hysterically as he held on to an apparently lifeless Leo, holding his big brother tightly to his chest, while he murmured incoherent words over and over.

"What the shell is going on here," Raph demanded anxiously as he replaced his sais on his belt. Seeing their wasn't any immediate threat in the area.

"Leo's… **DEAD!**" Mikey wailed in between sobs, hiccuping slightly. With this horrific announcement Mikey broke down further. Crying even harder, if that was even possible.

"**WHAT!**" Don and Raph shouted at the same time.

Donnie shoved Mikey firmly out of the way as he quickly checked Leo's vitals. After a few frantic seconds Donnie's hand fell limply at his side as he slowly sank to the ground next to his eldest brother. Donnie's eyes flickered closed briefly with the sudden unexpected pain of loss.

"Mikey's right," Donnie choked out the last part heart brokenly, "Leo's dead."

"Well do something," Raph growled.

"Do What!" Don snapped back, glaring at his red clad brother.

"Can't you do CPR or something," Raph snarled. Looking at Donnie like it should have been obvious.

"It wouldn't do any good it's been too long," Donnie tried to explain patiently without trying to further lose his temper with his brother.

"His body is already starting to cool," Donnie continued sadly. Looking down at his deceased brother, wondering what took him from them so young, he was only 21. Way too young to die instantaneously for no apparent reason.

Reaching over Donnie drew a still weeping Mikey into fierce hug, as his own tears joined his baby brother's. They held on to each other tightly, their heads nestled in the crook of each others' shoulders, as they wept next to their fallen brother. The two youngest turtles felt another set of arms wrap protectively around their shoulders as Raph joined in the group hug.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay here's the next part, please review (I love reviews :)

* * *

><p>Donnie walked past Mikey's room two hours after the sudden death of his big brother, deep in thought. All of his thoughts were shoved aside when he heard a sniffing sound coming from inside the room.<p>

He stopped and peeked into the bedroom. Michelangelo was sitting on his bed looking at a notebook and from the look of the dark spots on his mask he'd been crying as well. "Mikey?" Donnie inquired.

The turtle jumped slightly and shut the notebook. "Hey Donnie. How are you doing?" He asked quickly, forcing a slight smile to ghost across his face as he asked.

Donnie shrugged a little as he leaned against the door frame. "I'm doing as well as expected." Donnie said sadly. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," Mikey said gloomily as he reached up and tried to rub the tears from his face.

"I'm not crying, really" He lied, his smile cracking even as he said it. Donnie gently shook his head and stepped into the room. He made his way through the mess of the floor and soon climbed up onto Mikey's bed, sitting cross legged in front of him.

"You miss him, don't you?" He asked wearily, placing a hand on Mikey's shoulder.

Mikey dropped both his gaze and his pretense. "Yeah. Like a lot." He opened the notebook so that Donnie could see an old sketch of Leonardo on the page. On the faded white paper the eldest brother stood in the dojo holding his beloved katanas as he gracefully practiced a kata. The lines were smudged in some places and the paper was warped in a couple spots where it had gotten wet.

It was kind of obvious how the paper had gotten wet.

"You, um, you want to talk about it?" Donnie asked hesitantly, his voice a bit shaky, shutting his eyes tightly to prevent tears escaping his eyes, before he looked at his youngest brother again.

Mikey ran a thumb over the illustration, further smearing the lines. "He's supposed to be here." He said quietly.

Donnie frowned and tilted his head slightly. Mikey glanced down at his notebook, trying to put his feelings into words. "Leo's always been here for us, helping us even though we never really appreciated him... What are we going do without him Donnie?"

Donnie paused for a long time as thought about what to say, then in a dejected voice he said very softly, "I don't know Mikey."

"Why did he die Donnie?" Mikey asked in a small voice.

Donnie crawled across the bed and sat next to Mike, putting an arm around his shell and giving his baby brother a small one-armed hug. "I'm sorry Mikey I don't know why he died but I'm working on finding the answer." A lump about the size of a fist rose in Donnie's throat and threatening to choke him. He had always known that the lives they lead and the danger they faced each day would one day end up like this. That one of them wouldn't make it but he thought it would happen in battle not silently in their own home. Not yet, his thoughts continued. It shouldn't have happened yet...

Mikey nodded absently. He stared at the sketch for a moment longer before closing the notebook and placing it aside gently on the night stand. Before Donnie could stop him or move he seized his purple banded brother and gave him a huge bear hug. Donnie quickly returned the hug holding his brother tightly against him. Mikey's head was nestled against Donnie's neck as he whispered softly, "I didn't even...get a chance to say good bye..." Mikey's voice hiccuping slightly before he continued "I hope you find answers Donnie. Thank you for everything. I love you bro."

"I love... you to... Mikey," The wavering in his voice gave away just how much Mikey's breakdown was affecting him.

Donnie felt fresh tears on his neck as Mikey slowly cried himself to sleep in his arms. Donnie careful laid Mikey down on his bed and paused a moment to watch his baby brother. Mikey's eyes were closed, and his breathing was deep, slow, rhythmic...

Finally asleep.

Donnie gently draped a blanket over his sleeping brother, bending down to give him a quick kiss on the forehead before he quietly left the room.

Don continued to head to his room to grab a medical book from his bookshelf before he went back to the Lab. But paused in front of the closed door that lead to Raph's room. Inside he could hear the dull thumping sound coming from flesh meeting with leather as Raph poured his grief into his punching bag. What broke Don's heart was he could hear his hot head brothers quite sobs coming from behind the closed door.

"He shouldn't have to face this grief by himself," Donnie whispered sadly before working up the courage to approach his temperamental brother's door.

"Raph," Donnie called as he knocked on the door.

The noise within stopped as Raph took a moment to pull himself together. "What da ya want genius?" He growled a reply through the still closed door.

"I was wondering if we could talk." Donnie answered back.

Several minutes later Donnie was wondering if Raph was going to ignoring him till he went away, but before he could turn away and leave his brother alone with his grief, there was a soft click and the door creaked open to revealed his red clad brother.

Raph turned on his heels and walked over to his hammock and sat down. Donnie followed his brother into the room looking for a place where could sit but the decision was taking out of his hands when Raph snagged one of his wrists and pulled him careful into the hammock with him.

Donnie watched Raph as he sat beside him in the hammock. Then Raph hesitantly wrapped one of his arms around Donnie's shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug, burying his forehead into Donnie's neck.

"It's going to be alright, Raphie." Donnie choked out when he felt dampness on his shoulder as his brother silently wept openly for the first time ever. Donnie held his brother tightly while he gently rubbed his shell soothingly, trying to calm him down. While his own tears joined his brother's as they silently wept together.

It only lasted a few minutes before Raph sighed against Donnie's neck and lifted his head a little to look at his purple banned brother with his fierce amber eyes.

"How do you keep going?" He whispered to Don in a broken voice.

Donnie's exhausted, tear stained face was grave as his chocolate eyes met the amber gaze. "I don't know, just get to the next moment. I guess," Donnie said sympathetically at his brother.

For a moment, Raph had no idea what ask his intelligent brother next despite the thousands of thoughts and questions that swirled inside his head before he blurted out:

"This place's will never feel the same without Fearless here," Raph stated matter factly.

Donnie's mouth tightened into a grim line, shaking his head a little. "No it won't," he replied quietly before his throat closed painfully. His grief coming to the surface once again as single tear rolled down his check before he brushed it away.

Tears sprang back into Raph's eyes, but he tightened his jaw and nodded, refusing to break down again.

"I know it's hard right now but we will get through this...together" Don said as he held his brother tighter.

"Don?" Raph asked.

"Yes, Raph" Don asked, he could tell by his voice that Raph was starting to drift asleep.

"I love you, I never got a chance to say that to Leo..." Raph whispered sadly as his head slumped to rest on Donnie's shoulder again. "God the things I said to him, did to him. Now he's gone I never got to say 'I'm sorry' for being such a jerk." Raph whimpered miserably.

Don smiled sadly and held him closer and kissed his head, "I love you too Raphie. Leo always forgave you no matter how big a jerk you got." He quietly murmured to Raph.

Soon after that Raph fell asleep in Donnie's arms, and it wasn't long after that Donnie closed his own eyes and drifted off to sleep as well. _'I'll get up in an hour and get back to the Lab,'_ were his last thoughts before darkness claimed him.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it took so long but I hope it was worth the wait. Reviews are always welcome and **once again I own nothing :)**

* * *

><p>Slowly Leonardo opened his eyes, blinking several times he carefully looked around. Leo was a bit confused why the dojo was in complete darkness and why he was flat on his shell, instead of the lotus position he began his meditation in. He gracefully stood up, stretching his muscles, trying to get the blood flowing again.<p>

_Man how long have I been here?_ Leo thought to himself as he checked his watch hidden under his wrist guard.

"Aww shell. Mikey is going to kill me. It's almost three hours past dinner time and I promised I'd help." Leo grumbled under his breath as he headed for the dojo doorway.

Strange, it's not normally closed and I didn't shut it when I came here to meditate. Leo thought as he slid the door open and entered the common area. The lair was eerily quiet. Master Splinter was away in Japan visiting the Ancient One, and his brothers were usually noisier without their father around.

_Where are my brothers?_ Leo wondered as he walked through the empty, silent living room - even the TV's were off.

As Leo passed Donnie's lab heading for the kitchen, he could hear faint clicking coming from inside.

"Well I know where Donnie is but what about Raph and Mikey?" Leo mused aloud quietly.

Leo got to the kitchen doors and looked inside. He could see Mikey leaning heavily over the sink with one hand, the other one clutching a glass half full of water. Mikey's head hung low, his shoulders hunched up as he shook with silent sobs. Leo's eyes snapped back up to Mikey's half turned face when he realized his baby brother was crying. Looking closer now Leo could see the darker orange in Mikey's mask where his tears had soaked through.

_Mikey looks terrible, what happened? Did he and Raph have some kind of fight?_ Leo thought worriedly. _Thinking of Raph where is he? I bet he went out after I told him to stay home; that's the reason why I decided to practice the new mediation that Master Splinter taught me before he left._ Leo felt the heat from the previous anger rise as he remembered the argument.

Before he could say anything, Mikey sensed Leo's presence and spun around sharply, his sapphire eyes widening in surprise and shock at the sight of his oldest brother. Leo could've sworn Mikey came the closest color to white that a mutant turtle could become, right in front of him, before Mikey suddenly became rigid and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Leo watched in horror as Mikey dropped the glass he was holding. It broke into several shards, but the jagged bottom half the glass stood straight up. Mikey rocked on his knees for a second before they gave out causing the young turtle to fall forward, his exposed throat heading for the jagged glass bottom.

Leo rushed forward in a blinding speed and caught Mikey before he could hit the deadly object. Leo carefully lowered him to the kitchen floor and quickly pressed two fingers against Mikey's throat seeking a pulse. Underneath his finger tips Leo felt Mikey's heartbeat; it was strong and steady. Letting out a relieved breath, Leo set to work checking his brother over as he laid cradled in his arms. Leo tried to figure out what caused his brother's sudden collapse. He didn't seem to have a sickness or injury that could cause him to collapse.

Leo was about to shout to Donnie for help when he remembered his brother was in his lab and wouldn't hear him through all the sound proofing he had in placed. Reaching down he grabbed for his shell cell but his hands found nothing there. Then Leo remembered it was up stairs charging in his bedroom. Reaching over he quickly freed Mikey's cell from his belt and texted Donnie to come to the kitchen ASAP not knowing what Donnie was working on in the lab, he might not hear the shell cell.

While Leo waited for Donnie, he laid Mikey's head in his lap, keeping a close eye on his brothers breathing and pulse for any sudden changes.

"Mikey, what do you need?" Donnie asked in a tired voice, coming into the kitchen; his head firmly buried in a huge medical textbook.

_Why would Donnie be reading that? The only time he digs that out is if one of us is sick or hurt._ Leo thought with concern. Then another darker thought entered Leo's head with dread rising in him. _I've seen Mikey and Donnie but I haven't seen or heard Raph. Could his hot head brother be lying badly hurt in the infirmary?_ Leo tried to suppress the urgent need to run there and check. But he pushed it down. _Mikey needs me right now. I'll find Raph later after Donnie checks Mikey out._ Leo thought determinedly.

"It wasn't Mikey who texted you Don," Leo replied as he carefully laid Mikey's head on the floor before he stood up to give Donnie room to help their brother.

Donnie's head shot up so fast that Leo thought his spine would snap. His chocolate eyes were wide with shock and confusion. The book that he was reading fell to the floor from nerveless fingers. Leo watched as his genius brother lost all his usual color and began to shudder at the sight of his eldest brother, his knees were shaking so badly that they gave out.

"Awww, shell not again," Leo moaned to himself, as he rushed to catch his brother before he could hurt himself. Leo carefully lowered Don who appeared to be catatonic to the floor. His eyes were glazed over and he kept muttering "Not possible" over and over.

"Don? Do you hear me?" Leo repetitively patted Donnie's face, trying to get some sort of reaction out of him.

After a few minutes of Leo trying to snap his purple banded turtle out of it and having no success. Leo decided it was time for different approach. A hard open-handed slap followed up the useless effort, which whipped Donnie's head a little painfully, but it also did the trick.

Donatello's hand shot up to his stinging cheek as he blinked owlishly at Leo.

"...L..Lee..o !" Don yelped, stuttering as if he d never said his brother's name before.

"...Don?..." Was the only thing that came to Leo's confused mind.

Donnie continued to look at Leo slowly as he knelt in front of him. Not really believing his eyes. Then very tentatively Donnie held his right hand lightly against Leo's chest over his brothers heart. Under his hand Donnie could feel his brothers warm plastron as it rose fell with his brothers even light breaths, very faintly he could also make out the gentle beating of his heart.

_**Leo's Alive! He really is alive!**_ Donnie's mind screamed in rapture that his big brother was actually okay.

Donnie looked into Leo's hazel eyes that were full of confusion and worry as he tried to puzzle out why his brothers were acting so strangely around him.

Before Leo could react, in one swift movement Donnie wrapped himself around Leo in a tight hug. It took only a second for Leonardo to get over his shock and wrap his own arms around Donnie, squeezing him back tightly.

As tears coursed down Donnie's cheeks, he told Leo the horrific story of what happened only hours ago. Leo gently rubbed his brother's shell in a comforting motion as Donatello told him. Leo quietly murmuring soothing words to him as he listened to his younger brother.

After a while the two brothers broke their hug and sat back looking at each other.

"Don't look at me like that genius" Leo stated awkwardly.

"Like what?" Donnie asked his voice slightly shaking still from the shock of Leo being alive.

"Like I've come back from the dead or something, I'm fine." Leo replied "It's Mikey that I'm worried about." Leo continued.

"Mikey? Why? What's wrong with Mikey?" Don asked going into 'Doctor Mode'.


End file.
